


Glad Tidings we bring

by BlazingStarInInkyBlackness



Series: We're going to rule the world (eventually) [5]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas, Edgar the Cat - Freeform, Fake AH Crew, Female Jack, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Other, Tiny bit of Angst, backstories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 06:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5529563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazingStarInInkyBlackness/pseuds/BlazingStarInInkyBlackness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas is a weird time for the crew. Assassins trying to get christmas gifts, a leader of a growing criminal empire cooking Christmas dinner, an explosives expert just trying to get home. It's a freaking weird time. But it's their time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glad Tidings we bring

Christmas was a weird time for the crew. The cold season brought with it the promise of new beginnings, an optimist might even say hope. But that wasn’t what the Hunters crew needed; they had worked hard enough that hope was no longer necessary.

 As the festive season rolled around their heists became less frequent. They could pick it back up afterwards, for then they just wanted to relax. Most of the gangs in the city had had the unfortunate experience of being Christmas shopping and then be attacked. They had come to a mutual and silent agreement that they just didn’t around Christmas time.

Gavin stared out the window, mouth hanging open.

“You know, flies are gonna start building a nest in there soon.” Gavin quickly snapped his mouth shut at Geoff’s comment and turned in surprise. He hadn’t heard the man come in.

“How much bloody snow is there?” Geoff frowned, walking towards the window.

“That’s not a lot. Just wait a few weeks and we’ll have the actual cold weather coming in.”

“Jesus.” Gavin trailed off, staring out. Geoff frowned at him before a smirk crept over his features.

“If you want we can go out in it. Build a snowman or some shit.” Gavin’s face was fucking hilarious as he turned around eagerly. Geoff grabbed his shoes and a coat before walking outside. Gavin did the same and gazed out over the snow.

“Do you just not get snow in England?”

“Not this bloody much!” Geoff laughed at that and then, for some reason, Gavin actually agreed to the idea of making a snowman. Geoff was more than a bit surprised, he’d thought that the lad would just get cold and go back in but he seemed to show no sign of that.

And as the snowman began to take shape Geoff realised he was actually having fun, building a fucking snowman of all things. When they were done Gavin stood back, admiring his hard work. At some point Ryan had begun to help as well and Geoff had just watched from the side-lines.

Ryan was a creepy motherfucker sometimes so Geoff shouldn’t have been surprised when the snowman exploded, shooting snow everywhere.

Gavin had been. He squawked loudly and flailed his arms around. Geoff took that moment to grab a handful of snow and shove it down the Brit’s back, as he’d been planning to do since he saw Gavin staring out the window.

Geoff began to cackle in laughter as Gavin raced around, trying, without success, to get the snow out of his coat. Ryan was laughing as well, a high laugh that was reserved for when he was making Gavin suffer.

“You guys are mean.” Gavin said angrily. Geoff just laughed and walked off.

 

Gavin, as always, was being annoying. Jack and Ryan watched with increasing agitation as the Brit climbed up a rickety step ladder, trying to decorate the tree.

“You could help me, you minges!” Gavin cried, face full of tree from where he was trying to loop the lights around the back. Jack and Ryan exchanged a quick glance. Even through the eye sockets of the mask Jack could see Ryan was about to laugh.

They both turned back to their phones, ignoring as their crew member continued to squawk as he nearly fell off. Finally he was done and stood next to the tree, gazing up at it, proud of his efforts. Ryan stood and silently walked up behind Gavin and was amused as the man jumped.

“Jesus Ryan! Why do you always do that?” Ryan made no comment, instead staring up at the tree. It was a real tree, against Geoff’s orders. Geoff had wanted a fake tree so it was easier to clean up afterwards. Ray and Jack had agreed, nodding along. Gavin had looked a bit put out.

That night Ryan had heard something in the darkness and slipped downstairs, a gun in his hand. The hushed voices at the door gave him pause, he knew them. He sighed, lowering his gun as he heard the familiar tones of Ray and Jack.

Behind them they were lugging a six foot tall tree in all its evergreen goodness. Geoff was going to be pissed. But Ryan just watched as they walked past, into the living room. He managed to angle himself so that neither could see him through the thick tree.

When they started trying to pull the tree through the doorway Ryan got bored. Jumping out and scaring them was fun but it was always better on Gavin. Also, the thought of a real tree was actually very appealing as he hadn’t had a tree since- he frowned, wracking his brains. It must have been before he took on the mask and the title of the Mad King, before even the Vagabond.

He winced slightly at the name, the Mad King was bad enough, the Vagabond had been a fucking terrible name. It had suited him but that was beside the point. He stepped forwards and lifted the tree. He could hear Jack’s muffled swear as the woman suddenly realised Ryan was there.

“Good of you to finally help Ryan.” Ray huffed, the ever observant sniper.

“I wanted to see how far you’d get on your own.”

Ray glowered at him and continued to try and pull the tree through the door to the living room. As Ryan helped them he felt his mind wander back, back to the last real Christmas he had.

She’d still been there. At that small fragment of memory he felt the same hollow sadness that had permeated his days as the Vagabond. He remembered that Christmas now, all ready to face the world as they sat on top of moving boxes, with shitty takeout’s balanced on their laps.

He’d kept on saying that next year they’d do better, next year he’d cook a whole turkey with all the bits and pieces. She’d laughed at him, there was no way she was letting him anywhere near a recipe that complicated. As the night wore on the bottle of alcohol they were holding grew emptier and their smiles grew wider.

Ryan sighed as he looked at the Christmas tree, he’d loved that Christmas. It had been- he didn’t even have the words for it. The Christmas’ that followed were shit. The Christmas right after that he’d stood in the bathtub as he tried to cut a bullet out from his leg. The alcohol he drank was to numb the pain, he’d done that plenty of times and there hadn’t been a tree. There hadn’t been anything.

“You alright?” Jack whispered to him as he stared up at the newly decorated tree, Gavin stood beside her, confused. Ryan blinked for a few moments, trying to get himself back to reality, those past Christmas’ were not something he wanted to remember at that point.

“There’s no star.”

“I couldn’t find a bloody star! I asked Michael to get one and he didn’t even respond!”

“Gavin, you know Michael’s out of town right? How the hell was he going to get you a star?” Ryan asked and Gavin looked down at the floor, grumpily.

“I dunno.”

“So now we have a tree without a star?” Jack asked looking up at the tree. Maybe the decorations were a bit garish, a bit clashing but it was comforting. The empty space at the top bugged her slightly but it didn’t matter.

Ryan sighed and stepped forwards, pulling off his mask.

“I never had a star when I was a kid.” He dragged the step ladder over to him and climbed it, reaching the top a lot more safely than Gavin had. He put the mask on the top of the tree, making sure it was balanced perfectly. “I always had an angel.” Gavin stared at him for a moment before laughing. Ryan chuckled and even Jack couldn’t help herself.

“Fifty bucks Geoff screams when he comes in here and sees that.” Gavin said loudly. Ryan rolled his eyes and started to climb down.

“You know, those odds are hardly fair Gavin.” He turned and saw the smile slip from Jack’s face slightly. He frowned before remembering that she rarely saw him with his mask off. He felt self-conscious for a moment but she just smiled and walked off.

As Ryan felt himself being pulled into conversation with Gavin he relaxed. Maybe this Christmas wouldn’t be so bad.

 

Jack was sick and tired of being the one to take the crew last minute Christmas shopping. Ray and Michael had the decency to have actually done their shopping on their own or had at least not dragged Jack along with them.

But Geoff had, pulling her to a gun store and deliberated over pistols for a good three hours. By the time he had finally decided all she wanted to do was go home.

The next day Gavin came up to ask her what he should get the crew. She sighed, putting down the controller in her hands before answering. What was meant to be a five minute conversation descended into two hours of surfing the internet for just the right gifts and then cross matching them across sites to find the quickest shipping time.

Gavin then raced off without a backwards glance.

At that point Jack thought she was done. She thought she’d sorted out the presents. She’d got her presents weeks ago, specially delivered. They were cheap and cheesy but she didn’t give a fuck. Cheap and cheesy gifts were what made Christmas.

But when Ryan came up to her, skull mask still atop the tree, she was not expecting the first words out of his mouth to be about Christmas shopping. She stared at him for a moment before doubling over in laughter.

“What?”

“Jesus Ryan, I don’t believe you sometimes. Come on.” Ryan sulked but followed. As they drove towards the nearest city Jack kept on glancing over at the man’s face, unable to help herself.

“Jack, I know how good I look but I’m just not interested.” Ryan said sardonically. Jack flipped him off and he started to chuckle.

“It’s good to see you out the mask. Always wondered what you actually look like.”

“Well, I mean, if you want I can put it back on?”

Jack frowned at him and they fell into an easy conversation.

They got to the shops and Ryan suddenly realised he had no idea what to get. Jack scoffed and they walked around the shops as she suggested various items.

They decided that playing it nice with Geoff was the best idea. Sucking up to the boss was always a good idea in Jack’s opinion. That didn’t always apply to Geoff but that was beside the point. Ryan deliberated over the drink section before realising that he could get better from one of his contacts.

Ray had somehow managed to get a sweet spot in the older man so Ryan decided to get a decent present for him. Yet again, not one that could be bought in a shopping store. When Ryan decided that Michael’s present could actually be bought at a store Jack wanted to punch the air in happiness.

Spending the next hour in a weapons shop make her rethink that but Ryan was very good at trying to keep her occupied, naming the different types of knives, working out which ones he could easily throw, suggesting potential targets from the shoppers around them, normal stuff.

Ryan somehow managed to ditch Jack at some point, she wasn’t quite sure how, and she was about to leave when Ryan re-appeared with two different bags, one from a mask shop and the other in a slightly sketchy black bag. He refused to let her open either of them.

“So that’s Christmas shopping done for you now, right?”

Ryan smiled and nodded, cranking up the radio as he did so. A cheesy Christmas song began to play over the speakers and within a few minutes they were both belting out the lyrics.

They had pulled into the drive, when Ryan suddenly paled and turned to Jack.

“What did you forget?”

“I didn’t get anything for Edgar!” Jack groaned before turning the engine on again. Just when she thought it was all over.

 

 

Ray was woken a week before Christmas instantly, not knowing what was happening. He froze in bed, trying to pinpoint whatever had happened. He knew he was safe, he was in Ramsey’s house with the Mad King himself sleeping in another room.

He also knew that no-one in this profession was ever really safe.

So when he heard a loud crash against the window he leapt up, pulling a gun. He froze and started to laugh, pocketing the gun. The man outside glared at him which just made Ray laugh even more. He walked over to the window and pulled it open, giving the man enough room to sidle out of the way.

“Did you sneak out without permission again?” Ray teased. The man glared at him, obviously not amused.

“Let me in dude, it’s cold as dicks out here.”

“If your dick is this cold you have issues.” Ray said, stepping back to let Geoff Ramsey, the leader of a quickly growing crime syndicate smash into the floor.

“Fuck!”

“What the hell were you doing out there?”

Geoff looked up at his a little sheepish before answering.

“Getting into the Christmas spirit, all right?”

“What does that mean?”

“I was putting up fucking Christmas lights.”

Ray paused and started to laugh again. Geoff glared at him until the sniper stopped.

“You’re a fucking idiot Geoff.”

“Ha, ha, are you going to help me or what?”

Ray looked out the window, wrinkling his nose.

“It looks freezing out there.”

“Okay, let me rephrase that. As your boss get your ass outside and help me with these fucking lights.”

Ray rolled his eyes but nodded, easily climbing out the window and stringing the lights up.

When they were done, an hour later, they sat on the roof watching the sun rise. Ray was cold and wanted to go inside, Geoff was swigging from a beer and telling him to sit his ass back down. Ray groaned but relented and as he watched the sun he had to admit, it was kinda pretty.

 

Geoff had been put in charge of cooking. Jack was worried. She knew that the man could cook and cook well but she also knew he tended to get a bit distracted. Especially if there was alcohol around.

There was a lot of alcohol. Gavin had made punch, ready for Michael to come back. When the Brit heard that Michael had never had eggnog he simply stared for a moment before rushing off to get the ingredients. By the time he was back Michael had left for his ammunitions run but Gavin was insatiable.

He hadn’t stopped at eggnog, he’d got every kind of alcohol that even had some vague connection to Christmas and then some that had nothing to do with it.

So there Jack was, trying to make sure Geoff wasn’t about to burn the house down.

“Hey Jack, what do you reckon would happen if I put this in?” Geoff asked, holding a bottle of vodka over the stuffing.

“Don’t even think about it.” She warned, grabbing the bottle. Geoff pouted for a moment, taking it back and swigging it. Jack sighed as she watched her boss get drunker and drunker, cooking her future meal.

She left the room after a few more minutes as Geoff poured the bottle into the mixture. Geoff chuckled as she left, waiting until he was certain she was gone before getting out a new bowl, a new set of ingredients and sitting down to make the real food.

There was a reason he was put in charge of it.

 

 

Michael stared out the window as he saw Achievement City roll into view. He smiled and stretched back.

“Good to be back isn’t it?”

“Lindsay, you have no idea.”

The red head smirked and nodded, it was obvious how stressed Michael had been when she picked him up.

“So are you guys doing anything for Christmas?”

“Geoff’s rented this house in the middle of nowhere. So that’s fucking annoying.”

“What happened to the Christmas spirit Michael?”

“The Christmas spirit can go suck a dick. I want to sleep. It’s not as if we’re kids anymore.”

“It’s not just kids who celebrate Christmas asshole.” Michael chuckled at that slightly, closing his eyes as he leant against the headrest.

“Yeah, I’m sure plenty of adults still get presents from Father Christmas. How long did it take you to figure out he wasn’t real?”

“He’s not real? Michael, I don’t believe it!” he opened one eye and glared at the shit eating grin on her face. “I dunno, I was quite young. Six I guess?” Michael huffed a laugh.

“Young? That’s ancient.” Lindsay rolled her eyes and concentrated on the road in front of her.

When she was back in her apartment Michael got into the seat and turned the radio on as he started his long journey out to the house Geoff had brought the crew to. Michael hadn’t seen it yet, too busy with the ammunition drop which somehow went wrong.

So as he sped down the lane he was excited to see it. He barely noticed as the hours ticked by, until it was Christmas day and he was finally in the drive.

 

Michael was jolted awake six hours later by an over excited Brit landing on him.

“Michael wake up! It’s Christmas!” Michael groaned, pushing Gavin off the bed roughly. His hands crashed over the desk until they found his glasses, shoving them on blearily he stared at the clock.

“Are you fucking kidding me Gavin?”

“What? It’s Christmas boi!”

“It’s seven in the morning.”

“Come on, the rest are already up.” Michael blinked, confused as he saw Gavin race out the room.

“The fuck?” He slowly got up and dragged on the clothes from the previous day, trying to ignore the smudge of ketchup he’d spilled on it. It wasn’t too obvious. He hoped.

He walked into the living room and swore quietly as he saw the tree. It was tall, taller than he was. And it was covered in colour. There was tinsel and lights and baubles and random decorations he didn’t even know what to call. He took a step closer before noticing the top; Ryan’s skull mask was balancing precariously on top.

He couldn’t help it, he started to laugh.

“That is one fucking ugly tree dude.”

Gavin frowned and the others laughed good-naturedly. Michael sat down, frowning at the other people.

Jack and Geoff were wearing the most hideous Christmas jumpers he’d ever seen. Gavin was wearing a red elf hat and Ray was wearing matching green ones. Ryan, the Mad King, the mass murdering mercenary, the name whispered in fear by only the bravest, was wearing light up reindeer horns.

Michael didn’t know how to respond. He honestly had no idea. He sat down and immediately received a lap full of Edgar. The cat nudged up to him and he began to pet her absent-mindedly as he tried to figure out what to say.

Before he could even work out where to start on the ridiculousness Gavin spoke up.

“Presents, right?”

Michael watched confused as the other men nodded and brought out coloured boxes. Jack had five lumpy packages, all small. Geoff’s boxes were about the size of shoeboxes covered in Halo wrapping paper. Gavin had to leave the room to grab his, an assortment of shoebox sized boxes and folder size. Ryan pulled out lumpy packages of different sizes.

Michael glanced to Ray and was glad to see that the sniper hadn’t brought anything out. It had to be some kind of joke, no-one actually did all this stuff. It was just on movies. But then Gavin was pushing one of the bigger boxes into his hands.

It was covered in small cartoons of bears and Michael frowned down at it in confusion.

“What the fuck are these Gavin?”

“Dunno, thought they’d suit you.”

Michael frowned and began to cautiously unwrap the gift. Edgar mewed and pawed at it, managing to pull off more of the wrapping. It fell away to reveal a laptop, from what Michael understood it was a high spec as well.

“What the fuck is this?”

“It’s your present Michael!” Gavin’s face fell as he saw Michael look at it, confused. “Don’t you like it?”

“What the fuck is going on?”

“Christmas, now it’s my turn.” Jack said, rising. She threw her packages across the room, each member managing to catch them apart from Ray who yelled and nearly fell backwards off the couch.

Michael ripped open the paper again and saw that it was a pair of black socks, covered in explosions. The other members of the crew had similar ones. Ryan smiled and held up his pair, white socks with a picture of a blood splatter across it.

“How’d you guess?”

“You’re a creepy motherfucker sometimes Ryan.” Ryan just shrugged, in no way sorry. “Anyway doesn’t Ray wanna go next?” Geoff smirked at Ray who flipped him off.

“Arsehole. So, I might have forgotten to get you anything so here.” He passed a note to each of the members who briefly read it. Michael glanced down at his.

_IOU 1 murder lesson_

Edgar mewled again and bumped Michael’s hand, forcing him to pet the cat.

“Aww, Edgar’s feeling left out.” Gavin said, walking over to the cat. Edgar observed him as he walked over and nuzzled back into Michael. Ryan chuckled and rose.

“How about I give out my stuff then?” He then brought out a small shopping bag and began to pull something out of them. He passed them around and then came to kneel in front of Edgar. He carefully attached a collar around the cat, green with black stripes around it. Michael laughed as he put his present down.

If this was a prank they were taking it pretty fucking far.

The computer Gavin had handed him looked expensive and it was all too much. It felt like they weren’t joking. But no-one actually did Christmas. Did they?

He was broken from his thoughts as Geoff laughed raucously. Michael looked up in confusion to see Ryan wearing a paper bag with a skull drawn scrappily on it. He laughed loudly.

“Well I mean, I donated mine to the tree. Gotta have something!” Geoff was howling in laughter and Michael chuckled, eyes roving around the room. Geoff was holding a bottle of what looked like alcohol, there was no fucking way that was legal. Ray was carefully putting down a large bag of weed, probably for later that night.

While Michael couldn’t see what Ryan had gotten Jack she was also smiling broadly. Gavin next to her was staring at a cow head mask, very confused.

“Why’d the bloody hell did you get me a cow mask Ryan?”

“Oh, no reason. Don’t worry about it.” Gavin glanced between Ryan and the mask worriedly, as if trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Ryan just chuckled and Gavin looked more scared than ever.

“What did Ryan get you Michael?” Jack asked, trying to divert conversation away from Ryan and Gavin. She knew that if she didn’t Ryan would just try to up the ante until he might actually do something stupid in the heat of the moment.

“Uh-” he grabbed the present and unwrapped it. He felt his mouth open as he saw a pair of throwing knives, perfectly balanced.

“Holy shit Ryan! How much did these fucking cost?”

“For me? Nothing.” Michael could sense the smirk behind Ryan’s mask (bag) and he just continued to stare down at the knives in surprise.

“So? What did our leader get for us?” Jack asked, in a dry tone. She seemed surprised as Edgar began to nudge her hand before scooping her up and depositing her onto her lap, stroking her as she spoke.

“Here you go.” Geoff stood and gave a shoe box out to everyone. Michael grabbed his, growing more confused by the second.

Ryan whistled as he pulled out a silver pistol. Michael’s eyes widened as he dragged out a similar one. He turned it over in his hand, balancing it. It was real. Michael felt that he really should stop being so surprised by a criminal crew having real guns lying around.

“Look on the bottom of the barrel asshole.” Michael turned it over and was stunned as he saw _Mogar_ inscribed on the bottom.

“Shit Geoff, how much did this cost?”

“It’s Christmas, forget about it.”

Michael bit the bottom of his lip nervously. He had no idea what was going on. When he looked up it was to see the rest of the crew staring at him. “What?”

“Aren’t you going to give us something?” Gavin asked, smiling. Michael froze, put on the spot.

“What do you mean?”

“What?” Was Gavin’s eloquent response.

“It’s- it’s- this doesn’t happen in real life. This is movie bullshit.”

“What the dicks do you mean by that?” Geoff looked genuinely confused and Michael floundered for a moment.

“Christmas. It’s just a way rich parents feel better. No-one actually does it. Adults don’t actually give each other gifts. They don’t- they just don’t alright?”

“Who told you that?” Michael looked away at Jack’s question. His dad. His dad had told him that. Had thrown a bottle at the five year old for asking where his presents were, asked him where his mommy was, why she’d left.

After that it had never really come up in conversation with the man and so Michael had simply ignored it. Christmas wasn’t a real thing. But now, with a small pile of presents next to him, he was beginning to rethink it.

“That’s fucked up dude. Christmas is fucking ace. No-one complains when you get drunk.” Geoff smirked, waving the bottle Ryan had given him. Michael nodded, still confused.

He was still confused when they sat down to Christmas lunch where Geoff had created a mountain of food for them. He was still confused when they broke crackers and laughed at shitty jokes. He was still confused when Ryan got rid of his paper bag and stuck on a vibrant pink paper crown, deeming it a crown fit for a Mad King.

But as they sat down at the end of the day for some kind of cliché filled movie about the joys of family Michael began to relax. The chances this was a joke were slim. And even if it was, at that point he was too drunk to care.

The tree’s lights had broken partway through the day when Gavin had tripped and so they were trailed halfway across the floor, Edgar playing with them eagerly. Outside the snow fell and later they’d yell and curse at the cold and the wet slush that would manage to accumulate around the door. But for now they were full of good food and alcohol.

 

Geoff watched out of the window as snow danced and twirled down the air. He could hear Gavin and Michael squawking below, Ryan and Ray chuckling as Jack tried to keep a straight face.

He swilled the glass in his hand, causing the eggnog to swirl slightly.

In his hands rested a picture of a woman. It wasn’t a perfect shot, she was looking away from the camera as she laughed. Her arms were covered in tattoos but her smile was wide and genuine. She looked free, golden hair falling to her shoulders.

Next to the woman stood a man. He was about the same age, early thirties. He was smiling lazily. Her arm was hooked around his neck and he was bent slightly, to accommodate her as she laughed. His almost black arms, drenched in tattoos, were crossed in front of his body.

Geoff put the picture down and pulled a hand through his hair, sighing.

The noises of the crew were good, showed that he’d left for a good reason. But no matter what, he’d left. He’d left the beautiful woman behind as he chased a dream across the country.

“Sorry Griffy.” Geoff swigged from the glass before gently picking up the picture and placing it back inside his wallet, where it had always lain. “Maybe this year.”

Maybe this year he could go back safely. Maybe this year he Maybe this time he could talk to his wife.

**Author's Note:**

> The woman Ryan thinks about is NOT his wife. It was never meant to be and it will never be. Because 1. Ryan doesn't want his family in this and 2. there's almost no romance in this series.  
> Who she is will be explained in later stories but I just wanted to clear that up. She's a complete OC but she doesn't really turn up a lot.  
> This is a little rough and I'll tidy it up later but I just wanted to post it (I wrote this in August and so I didn't really feel right posting it then.)  
> Merry Christmas and Happy holidays :)  
> See you next time!


End file.
